I wrote my original five minute prompt on change, which I liked, then I saw a picture. One solitary picture that placed words in my mind. Words that must be written down while America's Test Kitchen plays in the background and my sweet baby big boy sleeping and my almost 5 year old in 2 days is out with dad and my 6 almost 7 year old is in first grade and my 9 1/2 year old is in fourth grade. Change. My life has changed. My life has given me some breathing room. My daughter started preschool today, which she was so thrilled for and I (not so guiltily) was happy for her and a little sad for me, but mostly happy for her. Then I wondered, am I changing a bit because I am happy for her instead of sad for me? I am happy because she is doing something new and exciting and big girl. Because she is moving on to the next big step in life. Because she is prepared for it.
I used to be a cry my eyes out on the first day of school mom. Feel guilty because my kids were in school when they should be with me every second. Because I love having them with me even when they drive me batty. Then my sister, Michelle, whose oldest son is turning 14, told me that she isn't sad when her kids move up (not too sad), but she is excited because all the kids are doing something new. An exciting adventure, just for them! Yes, she is sad, feeling twinge of loneliness maybe as her sweet Nolan goes off to full day school. But also a feeling of pride as she has prepared them so well to take on this big bad world.
And I am thrilled to have an older sister who reminds me to not be a depressed mom, but to be happy for their new moments. To embrace new things for myself. That I have prepared my kids, as well. That I have tried as hard as I can because I know that the few years at home with the kids do fly by. But that as they fly, I am developing small grown ups. I am developing little people who can add to society, can change lives and improve the world! And in this process, my little ones are developing me. They are changing me and encouraging me to be my best. That change is part of life and we can embrace it or can let change ruin us. I do have my moments of crying, wo is me, missing my kids, did I do enough feelings. But overall, I am going to embrace change.
My four changing kids in the changing Iowa corn. Yes, my 2 year old has goggles on. My oldest boy hates hair cuts because the hair gets into his eyes, so I had the bright idea to put goggles on him. Problem solved. Someday I will write how I came to this idea.