Tree (five minute post)

Tree (five minute friday from lisa jo baker)

As I child, my mom would read us The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. I have loved that book since the first time I heard it.  Not only for the simple words and simple pictures, but for the simple and amazing message it teaches.  One of sacrifice, love and contentment with the gifts in life.  I am grateful to my mom for introducing it to me.  I have a copy of my own that the kids and I often read.

I thought it would be appropriate to share my favorite children’s book The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore with my mom for her birthday as a thank you.  A thank you for teaching me to love reading.  My reading has brought me to love writing as well.  In turn, my oldest daughter has gotten the reading and writing bug.  And my other kids love it as well.  My mom gave me the gift of stories.  The gift of finding an escape in a good book.  The gift of “You can never have too many books.”  

I was eagerly waiting for my mom to receive my favorite book.  When she read it, she said she loved it and it made her cry.  I originally thought it might be silly to send MY favorite book to her. Why not send her one of her favorite books?  But when you come across such a treasure, it must be shared.  I am happy that she loved it. And I hope that she can see why I love her.

Truth (5 minute post)

Truth

the Truth is that I am tired, but not too tried to drink a dr. pepper after not having soda for  months.

The Truth is that I would love to have our student loans paid off NOW, but paying them reminds me of our hard work and that an education is a great investment.

The Truth is that I would love to have a perfectly clean and organized house, but I don’t want to miss the time I have with my little ones in an effort of perfection.

The Truth is that I am  10 pounds from where I would like to be, but those ten pounds were hard won by 5 pregnancies.

The Truth is that I had a miscarriage in between Hailey and Spencer (hence the five pregnancies) but I can see why it happened now.

The Truth is that we want one more baby, but I am a little terrified of the pregnancy with four other kids.

The Truth is that Blake wants to get his master’s, but I am also terrified of non stop mom stuff.

The Truth is that I am proud of most of my mothering, but I wish I would laugh more.

The Truth is that I love hot chocolate, the gas station kind is the best.

The Truth is that I have a book my mom gave me called “Books I want t o read” and have filled it with hundreds of books, but have only read 3.

The Truth is that I fill out the “books to be read book” at Target while I am alone and can browse through their books.

The Truth is that I really enjoy exercising and I love the strength it gives me.

The Truth is I don’t think I am that great of a wife, but Blake does and loves me for it.

The Truth is that I have a big responsibility as a mother to teach my kids right and wrong, that they have a great worth and that they are special….and I am up for the challenge.

View (5 minute post)

View

Do you ever just look in the mirror and get a view of yourself?  One that is so different from the “you” you used to be?  I did.  I saw my wrinkles by my eyes, crows feet, as they are fondly referred to.  A patch of gray hairs on the right of my part, hidden by the way I style my hair.  Smile lines by my mouth, and thinking lines on my brow.  Those didn’t get me though.  What did get to me was my hands. they are looking softer and more krinkled.  More like a woman and less like a 20 year old.  They remind me of my mom’s hands.  The view I have of myself now is that I am no longer a college student or young mother, though in my heart, I feel like a 20 year old.  When I run into my son’s 27 year old teacher and I think I am in the same stage of life as her and I realize that I am not!  That I haven’t been for years and something inside of me hurts a little.  Hurts for that person that I was.  But also finds joy in the person I have become.  I have aged some, I am not considering myself “old” by any means, but it is amazing how time sneaks up on you.  And you wake up and have two kids in school and two at home and are thinking, “Wow, my last baby will be my last baby.”  And that stage will end.  And I view things in a completely different way.

Imagine five minute post

Imagine

I remember having an endless and unburdened imagination.  We created something out of nothing.  We spent hours playing in the desert.  We turned the back of my dad’s old truck into a “bakery”, using the machine in the back.  This was my life.  

Now, I get to see my kids have the imagination of champions.  There is no limit or end to their boundless imaginations.  It is a beautiful thing.  They created the “puppy goes to jail” game, where I am the bad guy and the mama dog, of course.  They created play do masterpieces.  They have drawn the most amazing pictures where imaginary animals are alive and can do things that they are not supposed to do.  

I still have an imagination, but it has been bridled by life.  I have had four kids in seven years. I have been busy. I have been exhausted. I have had stress and sadness and frustration.  I have also seen goodness, kindness, and love beyond measure.  Somehow these things have changed my imagination into something different.  From time to time, I will get a glimpse of my former imagination, when the kids want me to play their make believe games and i let loose.  And I realize that I still have that imagination. It is buried beneath laundry, dishes and work, but my imagination is so much more fun than those jobs.  And I try to remember that imaginative games are much more important, as well.

Grace

Five minute prompt from Lisa Jo Baker

Grace

Well, I wrote about mercy here and I didn’t admit to understanding mercy.  Now, on to grace.  Which goes hand in hand with mercy.  Grace, in a few words to me, is….

Poise.  Walking with grace and being very agile and demure and lovely.  I am a little more clumsy than I would like to admit, so this is a great vision.

Someone who doesn’t hate on someone for being mean to them.  They let that person slide by and because of grace and good behavior, they look over the cruelties done by another.

My Savior, Jesus Christ, who gives me grace because He loves me and knows me better than anyone else.  He offers me grace as a pass.  I do my best and I repent and try my hardest to change and Jesus makes up for the rest with grace.  And I try to emulate that in my own life.  With my own kids. I try to let them have a pass on the hard days.  I try to not be so hard on them that they are resentful and angry at me.  I try to give them grace and help them to see that being mean and hard isn’t the right way.  That there is a time for kindness and there is a time for insistence. I hope that I can figure out grace and share it with those around me.

33 years

Birthday

Another birthday has come and (almost) gone.  I usually don’t love my birthday.  Who needs a reminder that they are getting older?  Who wants to have a vision of a birthday and have it ruined by unhappy kids?  Well, last year, I wrote my views on my birthday here and I reread it a few weeks ago.  It helped me remember about my new goals when it comes to my birthday.  I was going to make my birthday happy and fun, no matter the weather, circumstances, kid’s moods, or messy house. Today was going to be a great day.  And you know what, it really was.

Spencer came in bright and early at 6:30.  You would think after a full night of trick or treating and Halloween, he would sleep in.  But he doesn’t. He has always been our early riser.  And that’s ok.  The kids had the day off of school, so it was nice to have some relaxing time.Then William woke up with a stinky bum at 6:45.  Changed him and tricked him into thinking it was still night time...and it worked!  Went back to bed until 8.  We made pumpkin pancakes.  The kids helped with the dishes.  Spencer was mad and Brooke didn’t do much, but Hailey helped willingly and that was great.  We read some books, all the kids snuggled around me. I love how they all have to be touching some part of me while we read.  That used to make me feel claustrophobic, now it just makes me feel loved.  I folded some laundry and they played and read.  Then we made kool aid play do.  They had fun with that for awhile.  

Then it was lunch and naptime.  William wouldn’t fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion.  So, I held him and he went right to sleep and I sat there and savored him.  And I thought, “Could this be any more perfect?”  I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who love me and just can’t get enough of me. I know this won’t last forever.  This overlooking of all of my faults and issues.  And I am grateful that kids are so forgiving and loving.  Then Brooke started to have a meltdown.  So, I put William to bed and got Brooke ready for a “nap”.  Really, I was hoping she would sleep because she is so tired, but she did stay in her room and lay down for awhile.  Hailey and Spencer made me a play do birthday cake out of purple cake (my favorite color), and bells (fitting, I know).  They were so proud and it was so creative.  

They went to do quiet time downstairs and I saw that I had gotten some wonderful messages on facebook from friends I love.  I took a nap, only 20 minutes, but that’s all you need for a pick me up!  I went downstairs to finish a movie with the kids and we all piled on an old green sofa chair.  It was cozy.  William woke up and I had to force the kids outside.  Do you know how hard it is to get kids to move after a busy Halloween night?  Well, it’s hard.  But we managed to get dressed (at 4 pm) and go outside.  We played superheroes. I was Logy from Thor.  We took pictures of the kids in the yellow Fall leaves and I had Hailey take one of me, a rare photo of mom dressed and with make up on, to document my 33rd year of life.  

We got ready for the church carnival and went and all had a fun time.  The kids went to bed nicely and I just couldn’t quit hugging them.  First, because they are really cute!  Second, because I was just overflowing with love for them.  Nevermind that Brooke had been crying most of the day, that William was clingy, that Hailey had an attitude and that Spencer wouldn’t lay off about playing video games.  I was proud of myself for having a good birthday despite what the kids would do and because they are so sweet and loving.  Blake worked out a “secret” plan to take the kids out in the morning.  Spencer was to excited to keep the secret. I asked what I was supposed to do while they were gone.  His response, “That’s not my concern.”    

I loved getting the phone call from my parents singing “Happy, happy birthday, Heather dear.”  I loved hearing from my sister, Michelle, who I don’t get to talk to as much as I would like!  I loved hearing from my friend Sari, the one I play phone tag with for months before getting to talk.  I loved hearing from my one of my favorite friends, Laurie, who drank a dr. pepper (or two) in my honor. I loved getting texts from Las Vegas friends, college roommates, my family and people who thought of me.  I let go of my “perfect” birthday, ie. bath, food, silence and embraced my “present” birthday, messy, fun, loving and wonderful.  I hope I have 50sh more years of birthdays to come.  So, I can look back on my life and see the progress and see what I have done with these years that have been given to me. I am happy to say that I haven’t been lazy and that I have accomplished a lot in these years. I am excited to see what will happen in the years to come.  So, bring it on wrinkles and gray hairs!  I might be 33 in body, but I am much younger in spirit.