Sometimes, during the day, I end up lost. I have a million things to do: laundry, cleaning, playing, activities that I just end up lost. I wander a bit, not sure where to begin. Not wanting to miss out on time with the kids because I have to get errands or work done. But not wanting to get errands or work done because I will miss out on time with the kids. It's a vicious cycle. I don't love feeling lost, without direction, without focus. I find myself wasting time some days because I haven't buckled down on what I need to accomplish. I make lists and they help, but it is still hard to get everything done. Because, as a mom, the work is never done. The laundry starts over the minute it is done. The kids are still hungry although they just ate 11 out of 16 hard boiled eggs between the three of them, then finished off a bowl of apple slices. The dishes need me, the mopping and what is dusting? Hilarious! Something that happens when people come to visit. At these times when I am feeling lost, I try to take a break. I try to take a breather and refocus on what my true purpose and plan is. I want to be a good mom, first and foremost. I want to teach the kids to work, to love, to play, to read, to share, to hug and to laugh. I want to write, read an create. I want to give Blake attention and not be completely drained that I just can't give him attention that he deserves. I want to serve God and His children, my friends, my family. When I found myself lost, I think of these things and I start to find myself. I find myself reading to the kids or starting that laundry pile or finding a book or just sitting. Sitting in the stillness of a moment when the kids are playing a made up game "secret forest" and I am Heather, not mom, not wife, but Heather. That person who feels like a long lost friend. I find her and she reminds me that I am still me and I am more. As I have become wife and mother, I have become more. I have grown, I have stretched and developed into a person I hardly recognize from ten years ago, even two years ago. And this new person is my forever self. The one I have always wanted to be. So, when I find myself lost, I know I am lost in the care of other people, people who love and enrich my life. Who think I am number one despite my many faults, which they are apparently blind to. In being lost, I am found.