Pause

I wrote this almost a year ago. I came across it today and was so happy I paused and wrote it down. Life is too short to skip the important moments. (Sorry about the weird formatting!)


I don’t ever want to forget this day. The sun is beaming, not a cloud in the
sky, shadows of swaying tree limbs cover our grass. The weather perfect, the
month , January. The smell of leaves and freshness wafting through the air. A jean
quilt laid out on the grass. A quilt I crafted with my own hands as part of my
Young Women’s project as a 16 year old. Created from overused and worn out
jeans of my dad, mom and siblings. It is worn, but not worn out, still hanging
onto threads of love after nearly 15 years.
A pancake picnic laid out, homemade pancakes, fluffy and thick, fresh and
warm, a special treat for lunch with cool whip. Not whipping cream, but ask
Spencer and Brooke if they mind and they won’t be able to answer because their
mouths are full of cool whip. Talk of today’s school activities. Spencer played
and shared bikes and didn’t cry when his turn was up. He sang “Dinosaur Boogy”.
He read books about animals. He played with Gustavo, Joseph and Ryan. He
spoke of a new girl and blushed. I asked him if she was pretty and he smiled.
Brooke told Spencer that we went to the store, watched Curious George and read
books.
So far, they have played on the slide, played puppies, played on the teeter
totter, played with shovels. They ask each other, “Are you ok?” when they fall
down. “Yes, I’m ok.” they respond in turn. They run to me excitedly when they
share with each other. They share in each other’s triumphs. They work as a
team. They giggle and laugh as only a four and two year old can. I wish I could
push the pause button or at least slow motion. I wish all of life could be this way:
unscheduled and unstructured. The weather has a calming and soothing effect,
lessens fighting, lessens crying, lessens feelings of frustration.
I am sitting on the blanket reading The Heretic’s Daughter, engrossed when
I suddenly think, “I don’t want to miss this. I want to remember this forever.” I
want to remember that on January 31st, 2012, winter, we were outside on an
unseasonably warm day listening to bird’s chirping, leaves waving on the trees,
the occasional car and Pandora randomly playing songs from Disney movies and
musicals. That life was quite simple and lazy for a few hours on a Tuesday in the
middle of winter.
As time passes, I will remember important occasions and milestones, but
will I remember these quiet moments of playing and peace? These small
moments that make up flecks of happiness. That these flecks of happiness
combine to make up the nuggets of life. These are the flecks worth
remembering. And as I sit here unsure of our future, if we’re moving, if I can
manage four kids, if my life will be calm. Suddenly, none of that matters. God

has blessed me with this beautiful day to have some peace and quiet and
reflection. That my life will continue on the path that He has planned for me.
That I will make the necessary choices in faith.
Suddenly, a bee flies into my face. He is persistent and we run indoors to
escape him. Spencer says, “He got all of his honey” and I am grateful for my
many blessings.