See 2/22/14
Sometimes I wish I could see the future. I want to be sure of things. I want to know
what is going to happen. Take the
surprise out of it and lessen my anxiety.
For example: Will I live to see my grandchildren? Great grandchildren? Will my kids live long and happy lives? Will
they continue to love God and have a desire to do good? Will I get to Ireland? When will we be able
to buy a house again? When will the
student loans be paid off? Will our
fifth kid be our last? Will I need
another? Could I manage six kids? Will my kids go to the West coast for college
and will I want them to? Will we stay in
Iowa forever?! Will I ever be able to
stop biting my nails? Will I ever fit
into my wedding dress? Will I open my
bakery? Will I be a librarian? Will I
write a book? Will it be snippets or a novel?
Will we go to Spain? Will I go to
the Lake District in England? Will my
kids be bullied and hope they won’t be the bully to others? What does the future hold? I wonder these things often. I sometimes have to pray that I won’t be overwhelmed
with anxious feelings of “What ifs” and be afraid of what could happen. Because seeing the future won’t change the
future. What is going to happen, will
happen. Seeing it now won’t change
it. Knowing my future won’t make it any
better or worse and it certainly won’t make my present any better. Because then I would be counting down to
events. Living in the future, instead of
living in the present. No matter how easy
or hard the present might currently be. I must live in it and appreciate the beauty
and difficulty and messiness. Because
the present is today and I can never get it back.
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