Afraid was Sunday, when I realized that Blake speaking in church would have me sitting alone with the four kids.
We picked the second to the last row, closest to the door. Just in case.
The meeting started. It is 1 hour and 10 minutes. No easy feat for children to sit still for that period of time. Even some adults have issues sitting still for that long!
William had a meltdown. I took him out in the hall. He calmed down.
We went back inside. A few louder moments with the children. Hushing them. Reminding them to think about Jesus. To sit still. To read a book quietly. Draw a picture. Color. Anything that would distract them.
William had another meltdown. I took him out in the hall. He calmed down. I waited a few minutes.
I was a little afraid I would come back to my children's shenanigans.
Instead, I came back to pretty well behaved kids.
And at that moment, I prayed. I prayed my little heart out that the kids would be calm, still, peaceful. That we would not be a distraction. That everything would go well.
And it did. Everything was fine. I was calm. They were calm. We had a good meeting. I learned things. I listened to one speaker talk about patience. I listened to my husband talk about peace. I fell in love with him all over again.
For his candor. For his witty humor. For his laugh, the one I have always loved.
And I knew that I need to depend on Heavenly Father more. I need to pray to him in times of happiness and times of struggle, because I don't want to be afraid.
And fear is not faith.
I choose faith.