I have never felt Useless

As a mother, I have never felt useless. I have never felt unneeded or unnecessary or undesired.  I have felt the complete opposite of that feeling. I have felt

Overwhelmed

Overloved

Overneeded

But never useless.

I have felt

Stifled

Squished

Smothered

But I have never felt useless.

I have felt

A million questions

Four voices at once

Four needs at once

But never useless.

I have felt

Exhaustion

Frustration

A love greater than any other feeling

But I have never felt useless.

I have felt

Little hands, older hands and baby hands

Grubby fingers, soft and clean hair and sweet smelling skin

A great joy and a great sacrifice

But never useless.

And I wonder:

Will I feel useless someday? 

Will I long for my baby’s first days or will I be eager for grandbabies?

Will I need to have neighborhood children come over to feel the void?

Will I need to live close to my grandkids to

Snuggle them

To love them

To bake cookies with them?

Will I ever feel useless?

I know I don’t ever want to feel useless. 

I love being needed.

I love that this family seemingly can’t live without me.

I love the pile on mommy moments

The tickle fights

The chasing

The cheering

The sounds of laughter

I didn’t use to enjoy being needed

At times I am still frustrated with the strain on mommy life.

But I would never trade it.

I would never trade this full life for one where I am

Useless.

My family down by the Cedar river.  One of my favorite pictures ever!