Saturday, February 22, 2014

See (5 minute prompt)

See 2/22/14

Sometimes I wish I could see the future.  I want to be sure of things. I want to know what is going to happen.  Take the surprise out of it and lessen my anxiety.  For example: Will I live to see my grandchildren?  Great grandchildren?  Will my kids live long and happy lives? Will they continue to love God and have a desire to do good?  Will I get to Ireland? When will we be able to buy a house again?  When will the student loans be paid off?  Will our fifth kid be our last?  Will I need another?  Could I manage six kids?  Will my kids go to the West coast for college and will I want them to?  Will we stay in Iowa forever?!  Will I ever be able to stop biting my nails?  Will I ever fit into my wedding dress?  Will I open my bakery? Will I be a librarian?  Will I write a book? Will it be snippets or a novel?  Will we go to Spain?  Will I go to the Lake District in England?  Will my kids be bullied and hope they won’t be the bully to others?  What does the future hold?  I wonder these things often.  I sometimes have to pray that I won’t be overwhelmed with anxious feelings of “What ifs” and be afraid of what could happen.  Because seeing the future won’t change the future.  What is going to happen, will happen.  Seeing it now won’t change it.  Knowing my future won’t make it any better or worse and it certainly won’t make my present any better.  Because then I would be counting down to events.  Living in the future, instead of living in the present.  No matter how easy or hard the present might currently be. I must live in it and appreciate the beauty and difficulty and messiness.  Because the present is today and I can never get it back.

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